Pinocchio

Pinocchio is Italian for penis nose.

Tourist sandals

Babies and tourists wear the same kind of sandals. 

Vacuum packed coffee

Coffee, while in its air tight vacuum pack has no determined lifespan...like lobster

Hipster

If your mustache is disproportionately longer than the hair on your head, you are a hipster.

Oh look here's the seed it grew from

Lisa: Oh look, here's the seed it grew from
Me: What?
Lisa: A pumpkin plant always grows from a seed
Me: You totally made that up
Lisa: Well I am your wife