Strawberries

They are called strawberries because of their unusually long, straw-like stems.

Lice

Girls get lice more easily than boys because they usually have longer hair. Also, dogs cannot get lice but people can get fleas.

If I had a bunch of money...

If I had a bunch of money, I would open a pizza place. A huge percentage of pizza business is done in cash. Also, pizza is delicious. I need to start working on how to make pizza dough.

Three Dog Night

The term three dog night derives its name from Eskimo culture. Before oil heaters were available, Eskimos used their sled dogs to stay warm. A three dog night means that an Eskimo would have 3 dogs lying across his body on a given night. The number of dogs required to stay warm was increased on particularly cold evenings. The coldest night on record was a twenty dog night.Klinkit is getting ready to bed down for a seven dog night.

Mustaches

Just because the beard is popular again does not mean it's time for mustaches...let's not get carried away.

Milkfish

The Milkfish is the only non-mammal that is able to nurse its young.

Stradivarius Ukuleles

Many people know about the famous Stradivarius Violins and Cellos. What most people don't know is that Gustav Stradivarius got his start making Ukuleles. They were not very popular.

Butchers

There was a time when butchers were the only people in the village with sharp knives. Because of that, they were often the town surgeon. That explains the white jackets and referring to someone with faulty surgery being butchered.

Mary Jane Clogs

No matter how much your clogs look like Mary Janes, they are still clogs.

Short Hair Collies

Short hair collies are just regular collies that have been groomed.

Dial-A-Stripper

If I owned a stripper service I would call it Topless Liaisons

Dry Cured Bacon

Dry cured bacon doesn't curl when you fry it.

Hawaii is always the same temp

The temperature in Hawaii is always the same.

Crystal Clear Flower Food

Crystal Clear flower food and Spree Candies are made out of the same stuff.

Chili Peppers

Chili peppers were first discovered in Chile, hence the name. The "E" was first replaced with an "I" in a letter from Christopher Columbus to King Ferdinand describing the flora and fauna of South America.

Nails are not tough

Originally nails were made out of lead, a very soft metal...not very tough at all if you ask me.

The Joyce Kilmer Service Area

The Joyce Kilmer Service Area on the New Jersey Turnpike is named after Val Kilmer's mother, a famous horticulturalist from New Jersey.

Skunks

As part of their "fight or flight" mechanism, skunks secrete an enzyme when predators are attacking. The enzyme, when mixed with their saliva, causes them to act dazed and walk around dizzily. Predators think they are rabid and avoid confrontation.

This is the basis for the term "drunk as a skunk."

Subway Air Conditioning

Subway cars are air conditioned based on property values along the route. The 4,5,6 trains are the coolest, most comfortable trains; the J,M,Z are the hottest, least comfortable trains.He is not very comfortable.

Bourbon must be from Kentucky

In order for it to be called bourbon, it must be from Kentucky. Otherwise, it is just sour mash whiskey.

Someone should invent...

Someone should invent a tattoo that lasts only 5 years. That way, if you decide you don't want it anymore, it will just disappear in 5 years. It would probably involve some kind of vegetable dye.

Culottes Are Dumb

Culottes are dumb. Either wear a skirt or pants.

Sharks Cannot Chew

As opposed to what one might see in Jaws, sharks are unable to chew. They lack the muscles in their jaws.

The Uglier the fish...

The uglier the fish, the more delicious it is.The Chilean Sea Bass (Patagonia toothfish)

The Flounder

The Tick is the Strongest Animal in the World

Pound for pound a tick's body armor is stronger than the armor found on an Abrams tank.

Judah Benjamin

Following the civil war, confederate cabinet member Judah P.Benjamin moved to Florida to establish America's first Jewish state. Just like Theodor Herzl.

Cakes and Pies I will not Eat

Mud PieCow Pie
Urinal CakeBanana Cream Pie

Information you might not know about cheese

Pirates' favorite cheese is JarlsbergNacho cheese is cheese that does not belong to youYellow American cheese is actually orange...no yellow...no orange

Vampires are not regenerative

As opposed to superheros, when vampires come in contact with their weakness, they do not regenerate. If a vampire is touched by a cross, the skin stays permanently melted in that spot.

Corn Syrup has no calories!!

Dark corn syrup has at least 200 calories per serving. Clear corn syrup, is calorie free because it is clear. More information can be found here

How best to approach a buffet

There are two ways to approach a buffet: what is best for you and what is best for the restaurant. When I eat at a buffet I think what food will provide the most enjoyment while not filling me up to much and thus preventing me from consuming more food...for me, it's protein but everyone is different. Bacon is ideal as it provides the most flavor to food consumed ratio.
Also, I am a big fan of the carving station.
One thing I know for sure...do not waste time on the following:
Fruit
Bread
Cake
Muffins
Ice Cream

Blue Eye Shadow?

Blue eye shadow? That didn't even look good when Debra Winger wore it in Urban Cowboy.

It's true, there is always room

Physiologically, it is true, there's always room for Jello. Unless there is fruit in it.

The longer the coat, the more seniority the doctor has

When a doctor first goes to medical school, he is given a 3/4 length jacket. Once he/she begins their residency, the lab coat is extended 4 inches. Upon completing their residency, a doctor receives a new white lab coat that is 4 inches longer than their residency jacket.This guy looks like has been a practicing doctor for about 8 years.

When cooking with hot peppers...

Do not lick your fingers, even after you wash your hands with soap. It is spicy. Give it 3 or 4 days.

5 Things you don't want to buy the cheapest version of

Packing TapeSocksDeodorantToothpaste
Screws

World's Biggest Jackasses

If you purchase a dog and get your family all psyched to have said dog and then get rid of that dog because you do not like walking it...you are a superlative jackass. All of the training guides I have found in America discuss making sure you are prepared for all aspects of dog ownership including walking, training and disciplining your dog.

Weight vs. Shoe Size

The heavier you are, the larger your shoes size is and the lower your arches are.

People aren't sure which came first...

People aren't sure which came first, bread or beer. Recipes for beer dated to as far back as 745B.C. Recipes for bread have been dated to as far back as 730B.C. Research is still being gathered.