Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Butter Knife Should Face In

In a proper place setting, the butter knife is supposed to face in. A butter knife that faces out shows aggression to the person sitting next to you.

Why we sweat

Animals sweat when they are too hot. Sweating cools you off. That is why food from countries with warm weather is so spicy. Spicy food makes you sweat.My wife has just informed me that this is in fact true...Crap

Monday, March 30, 2009

A Penny in Tulips Water

Placing a penny in your tulip water will prevent the flowers from drooping.This guy clearly didn't get the memo.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Plastic is a Petro-Chemical

"Petro" from the Latin for oil-based. Which means that when I cook with olive oil, and get a brown crust of olive oil on the side of the pan that is impossible to remove, I have created plastic.I rule!

Lebron James and Kanye West

Do you think Lebron James and Kanye West are friends? Both of them are all around entertainers and about the same age.

They gotta be friends.There was a comment that I stupidly deleted from this post mentioning that I thought they must be friends because Lebron and Kanye are both of African American descent. This could not be further from the truth. I figure they are both friends based on their talent and general awesomeness. Also, both are rather friendly with Jay-Z so the circumstantial evidence is there. I would not assume that either Kanye or Lebron are friends with Alan Keyes.

Also no more commenting anonymously, if I am going to be a jackass publicly, than you can be a jackass publicly.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Things I think are racist or anti-Semitic...

Cartoon Characters
The Legend of Bagger Vance
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
Jimmy Crack Corn
Shoo Fly Don't Bother Me

Fuji Apples Win

Fuji apples

stay fresh longer than Gala Apples

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Foods that never go bad when stored in a cool dry place

Parmesan cheese
Any canned good
Non-Chocolate Candy
Powdered Drink Mix


One of my favorite foods is pie. Sweet or savory, I honestly believe that any food is made better in a pie crust. Think about it, meatloaf?...good; meatloaf pie?...Delicious!Chocolate Pudding?...eh; Chocolate Pudding Pie?!?!!?...Where's the bad?Try and think of any food that wouldn't be better in a pie crust...

I rest my case.

Salt and Pepper Shakers

Correct Shaker Orientation

Salt goes in the shaker with more holes in the top. A long time ago, pepper was by far the most expensive spice. Because of this, hosts wanted to subliminally encourage guests to use less pepper. Having fewer holes from which to dispense the pepper was the chief method of pepper retention.

No Sugar in the Sauce...Ever

Sure, it helps cut the acidity, but seriously? Sugar in the sauce?

I don't think so.


Donuts are a perfect food. I would eat them exclusively if they were even remotely healthy, like pretzels.

Rock Battle #1 Tom Petty vs. Rick Ocasek

The first in an ongoing series of Rock Battles. I will select the winner based on various nebulous and unnamed criteria. In addition, those criteria will change with every battle.

Round 1

Rick Ocasek of the Cars


Tom Petty of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and The Traveling Wilburys

While Rick Ocasek is married to a rather attractive lady:

At the end of the day, Tom Petty clearly rocks harder. Also, Rick Ocasek did have a couple of odd music videos but Tom Petty holds the record for most weird videos in the world.

Congrats Tom. We will see you in round 2.

Next Rock Battle: Keith Richards vs. Keith Moon

Is that Kelsey Grammer?

It is Kelsey Grammer...Who knew?

Three Jackasses

Jenn: This stuff is so good. If Bobby Flay had it, he would use it instead of chipotle on Tacos

Aryeh: Jenn, I'm sure he has heard of it, he is a world famous chef...He's been to France

Lisa: Ari, Brunette isn't from France, it's from Belgium (shakes head)

For perfect primavera

Make sure you cook the longer cooking vegetables, like carrots for a longer period of time. Add things that cook more quickly, like squash when the dish is almost finished. Otherwise, the squash will get soggy. Once your squash is tender, add all the vegetables to your pasta and enjoy.

Dragons are really just dinosaurs

Dragons are really just man's conception of the longest surviving species of dinosaur; the Pterodactyl.

The Chinese Dragon:

And the Western Dragon:

Were really just cousins of the Pterodactyl:

The ones that survived longest just adapted by learning to breathe fire.

I love an anachronism

Are those chandeliers at the bagel place original?

My wife knows antiques and interior design and I...am a moron

Aryeh: Li, I think those chandeliers are original

Lisa: Oh really?

A: Yeah, none of the fake candles in them are white, they look like they have been around for a while

L: really?

A: Also, they have three of the exact same chandeliers...(getting gradually quieter) and the crystals are dusty

L: (Silence, puts her head down on the table)

Marketers are Missing the Boat Big Time

If I were to tell you that here is a holiday that combines the alcohol consumption of St. Patrick's Day with the costumes of Halloween and a sprinkle of fantastic cookies, I imagine that your immediate response would be "Tell me more."

Friends, there is such a holiday.

It is Purim.

Consider the marketing possibilities; cookies, alcohol and costumes!!! It's a triple-threat.

Although it just passed, I urge you, mark your calendars, February 28th, 2010.

Enjoy the Hamentaschen. I'm dressing up as Queen Esther next year.

Ice Cream to Lose Weight

If you are dieting, make sure you only eat the cheapest ice cream available. The cheaper the ice cream, the less fat and the more air involved.


Goat Cheese Toastettes

It is important to note that I like to pretend I can cook. However, the thing I make best is pasta that includes sauce from a jar. I know almost nothing about cooking or food. With that, here is the first of many cooking posts.

1 Toast Round

A slice of goat cheese

A 1 inch square of lox

A sprig of dill

Doesn't that sound delicious? I think so.

Oh what a shame that it's out of business

Aryeh: What diner was that?

Lisa: I don't know

A: Was it the Star struck Diner?

L: Did you make that name up?

A:... Yeah


Jeans are also called dungarees because in the old west, people who wore them often worked around fecal matter.

Cold rooms to lose weight

If you make your space colder, you will lose weight. Your body needs to work harder to stay warm when it is cold. The work your body does to make itself warm in a cold room can help you lose weight over time. So turn down the thermostat, it will make you lose weight in the long run.