Thursday, July 30, 2009

Popcorn at the Movies

Popcorn was not a popular snack food until early public movie exhibitions in the late 19th century. Oddly enough many other snacks were tried before the corn lobby forced the Motion Picture Association of America to use popcorn in the 1920's. Early movie theater offerings included meatballs, ham salad sandwiches, sardines, deviled eggs and spaetzle.,%2Bnaked.JPG

Salmon vs. Beef

Per serving, salmon has as much fat as beef.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Why it's called painting

Originally, painting was considered the most tedious part of construction and was called gliplopoling. Painters would often come home with extreme back and neck pains from a hard day of work. To describe these pains, gliplopoling was renamed painting, it was much easier to pronounce.

Gramps sets me up

Lisa: She's agoraphobic. She doesn't like to come out of the house
Aryeh: No, agoraphobic is when you don't like sweaters
Grandpa: No, that's angoraphobic
A: Oh, I was way off

Salamanders and Geckos

In Florida Salamanders and Geckos are the same thing. Outside of Florida, Salamanders are amphibians and Geckos are reptiles.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Organ Meats

Wherever cattle is raised, organ meats are popular.

Bottle of Wine

Florida restaurant laws require a bottle of wine with a cork to cost more than a bottle of wine with a screw cap.

A Handy Item to Carry

In these hot summer months, I have started carrying a handkerchief. It comes in handy in all seasons, but in the summer, its great for mopping sweat off my brow.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Tennis Player on the Subway

Aryeh: I feel like this kid across from us is a serious tennis player, you know why?
Lisa: Yeah, I know why
A: Why?
L: Big Bag
A: No, he's wearing all Nike
L: Shakes Head

A List of People I Can Do Without - Baseball Edition

I am a big George Carlin fan. As an homage to his greatness, here is a list of people I can do without:

People at Yankees games who wear Red Sox hats when the Yankees aren't even playing a team from the American League East- Seriously? I can understand when the Yankees are playing the sox or maybe even the Orioles. If you are wearing a Red Sox hat when the Yankees are playing the Houston Astros you are just a jerk who needs something better to do with their time.
Men who push women and children out of the way to catch a ball in the stands - Sir, you disgust me.
Grown men who bring baseball gloves to baseball games - If you are over the age of 12, you are no longer allowed to wear a glove at a baseball game.
Concession guys dancing and trying to get on the jumbo-tron instead of selling people cotton candy- I have seen morons dancing before. I have never eaten 4 servings of cotton candy at a game before. Do not prevent the inevitable from happening.
Cotton Eye Joe

Sunday, July 26, 2009

For Perfect Sweet Tea...

Add sugar to the tea while it is still hot. Once desired amount of sugar is added, stir until sugar dissolves. Place pitcher of sweetened tea in refrigerator.

Grilled Sweet Potatoes

Place 2 sweet potatoes on the grill with the skins on. Grill until skins loosen. Cut open and place one pat of butter on each half of the grilled potato. Yams can be substituted if greater sweetness is desired.

Dogs Prefer to Eat on Carpet

Dogs prefer eating on carpet because it reminds them of grass and makes them more comfortable.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Swimwear Fashion in the Northeast is 4 Season's Behind the West Coast

Because it is only warm for 1 season a year in the northeast, swimwear fashion is 4 seasons behind swimwear fashion on the west coast. Bathing suits last 4 times as long.
A model walks the runway at Ed Hardy Swimwear 2009 collection fashion show during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Swim at the Raleigh Hotel on July 18, 2008 in Miami, Florida.

Ray's Pizza

All of the Ray's Pizza shops in New York are from the same family. It is a turbulent story, but basically, the owner of Famous Original Ray's is the Cousin of Ray Bari, who is the uncle of Ray's Famous.

Lip Balm

Lip balm is the most addictive consumer package good available with no age restriction. Upon using lip balm for the first time, you are forced to use it for the rest of your life to avoid chapped lips.

Average Lipstick Consumption

The average woman consumes 23 tubes of lipstick in her lifetime.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Cheaper Gas is Worse For Your Car

BP is the best gas you can buy. It is the most expensive and it is British. Exxon/Mobil is the second best because it is also expensive. Sunoco, Getty and Gulf are third tier. Not only are the not as expensive, their gas comes from Venezuela. Hess is tier 4; it is the least expensive major gas chain. Gas stations most people have never heard of, like Shamrock, in southern Jersey are really bad. Julio Caesar Chavez owns that chain personally and it is very cheap, he must mix water and sand with the gas.

Larger Raindrops

Larger raindrops make for a shorter rain storm.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I am not alone!!!!

62% of the population prefer boxed mac and cheese to homemade.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I Enjoy Bathroom Attendants

Bathroom attendants provide assistance, advice and amenities when you are often completely alone. They suffer smells and noises so that we may have breath mints and cologne. Also, they really lend a touch of class to any establishment.

Brilliant Idea I just thought of

Why has no one ever combined matches and incense sticks. You could tip the incense with flint and put sandpaper on the box that they incense comes in. Instead of using fire to light the incense, you would just strike it on the box and then blow it out.

Special K and Rice Krispies

Special K is the flake version of Rice Krispies. They are made from the same recipe.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Is this hat coming back?!?!?!

Is this hat coming back? I saw 4 hipsters in them today. Debbie (Deborah) Gibson stopped wearing them in 1989.

Grow Taste Buds as you Get Older

When you are a young child, sweet foods taste milder because as you age, you develop more taste buds. The older you are, the more sensitive you are to flavors. The phrase "an acquired taste" comes from the growth of new taste buds.

Can't Come Back Into the Stadium

Here are a couple of reasons why you cannot leave an event and re-enter with the same ticket:

- Venues want to reduce staff after the beginning of the game. Rechecking everyone for contraband would require more staff

- Venues want to prevent people leaving an event and passing their tickets on to people who did not pay to enter an event

- Venues want to prevent people from leaving the event and finding hard alcoholic beverages in their cars, consuming said beverages and re-entering and thus causing trouble.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Mustaches of the World Unite







How to Make Perfect Iced Tea

Fill 2 Quart pitcher with water. Place 6-8 Tea Bags in water and place pitcher in refrigerator. Let stand overnight. Sweeten with simple syrup, mint or lemon if desired.


Fill 2 Quart pitcher with water. Empty entire contents of 2 Crystal Light or Wyler's Ice Tea Mix into pitcher. Stir to remove any lumps.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

MSG is in All Chinese Food

MSG is in all American Chinese food. Even when they say "Contains No MSG" they just change the name of the MSG to Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein (HVP).

Diet Coke and Chinese Food

Diet Coke is the perfect beverage to eat with Chinese food because of a chemical reaction between MSG and caramel color.

Nozzle and Nuzzle

The words nozzle and nuzzle both come from nazen (German for nose). This makes sense as nuzzling is snuggling with the nose. The nozzle, like a nose, expels substances with force.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Guinness Book of World Records

The beer company Guinness created its Book of World Records to settle bar bets.

In case you didn't know...

Dolphins are sexually aggressive:

Thursday, July 16, 2009

As the economy gets worse...

As the economy gets worse, business try to cut costs by using less air conditioning. It must be brutal for people who work in these businesses.

Translation of Calamari

Calamari comes of Cala Mare which means "Candy of the Sea" in Italian.

Bozo The Clown's Pre-Circus Meal

Before entering the center ring of the circus, Bozo the Clown eats a lettuce wedge topped with raspberry vinaigrette. Raspberry vinaigrette is the ultimate clown food.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Gold in short supply

If you collected all of the gold in the world, purified it, and compressed it, it would fill a 30'x30' room.