Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The more liquified...

If an item is a liquid, it contains less saturated fat.

Stores Vs. Showrooms

For an establishment to be called a showroom, it must charge more than 70% above list price. In addition, anyone shopping in a showroom requires some kind of license.

Shephard's Pie

In Ireland, it can only be called shephard's pie if it includes lamb rather than beef.

Friday, September 25, 2009

New Car Smell

New Car smell comes from formaldehyde.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Mavis Beacon

Mavis Beacon was Bill Gates's original secretary. She could type really really fast.

Wine Glasses

Wine glasses have stems to prevent warm hands making warm wine.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Female Supertasters

Because women have more taste buds than men, they are more likely to be supertasters.

Dogs Lifting Their Legs to Pee

Male dogs begin lifting their legs to pee only after they have been neutered.
dog_peeing.jpg image by atmstang

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Bottom of the Barrel

Originally the bottom third of the barrel was not sold or consumed as it was believed to cause people to become angry when drunk. Hence the negative connotation with the phrase "bottom of the barrel."

City Fire Code

New York City fire codes require that the front doors be made out of steel and doors can be hung no more than a paper's width from the ground.

Brilliant Idea

The government should give tax credits for volunteering. Hours spent volunteering should pay minimum wage.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Green Smoke

Imagine a world where green smoke came out of your pants every time you broke wind.

Baseball Teams Should Tell You

When you are watching batting practice, baseball teams should tell you who is in the batting cages.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Runway Models

The commonly held theory that female runway models have more male genes than the average female and are often hermaphrodites was first put forward by an ugly person.

Nellie made half a million dollars

Nike paid Nellie $500M to make the song Air Force Ones.

Walking Around Barefoot

Walking around barefoot helps you take in nutrients through the soles of your feet.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

5 People I Can Do Without...Round 2

1. People who place their bare feet on public furniture- If you even had flip flops on that would be acceptable, but bare feet? Gross.

2. People who don't clean up after their dogs - You give the rest of us who do clean up a bad name.

3. Anyone else on the New Jersey Turnpike - The worst driver in the world is anyone who isn't me who is on the New Jersey Turnpike while I am there...even my family.

4. People Wearing Face Headbands - What is this 1969? Enough.

5. Snotty Salespeople - Sales is a service oriented business...serve me, don't be a jerk.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A Few Notes on My Trip To California

Proof that My Stomach Has No Limits:

While in California we ate breakfast at toast. I had a small breakfast, an omelet. Robbie and I both avoided the toast and potatoes because we knew what our day had in store...

First Stop:

Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles
I had special #1:
The trick is covering the chicken with hot sauce, then putting the chicken on your buttered waffle. After that, you cover the entire plate with syrup and enjoy...delicious. This place had great waffles and great chicken, we were very impressed.

Stop #2:
Cactus Taqueria
I had a tongue burrito. Tongue is rather fatty. When roasted for an extended period the fat melts into the meat perfectly. Mix in sour cream, rice, beans, onions, pico de gallo and you are in business. Frankly, I am just getting warmed up.
I have eaten 1/3 of the burrito at this point.

Third and Final Stop:

I was very impressed. This was a loose-packed cheeseburger which made for lots of crispy goodness. They offer a plethora of toppings. I had a cheeseburger with mayo and pepper.
The burger was good but I was most impressed by the ketchup cups:
The short sides allow for maximum ketchup consumption. Also, they have Mr. Pibb instead of Dr. Pepper.
After this consumption expedition, we went to the wedding. I ate there too.
Makeshift microphones for Living on a Prayer. Mine is made with a potato.

The Closer To Boston

As you get closer to Boston your Boston cream donut will have more chocolate on it.
New York City
Mystic, CT
Boston, MA

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

5 Excellent Employment Ideas For Me...

Neil Diamond Style Cover Singer - I can sing any song as Neil Diamond...Ooops, I did it again.

Stick Figure Artist - I can draw a stick figure as well as anyone

Famous Person Voice Identifier - I can identify almost any famous actor's voiceover in a commercial...the other day there was a Bank of America Commercial (Kiefer Sutherland) immediately following An Orange Juice (Donald Sutherland), that's like hitting for the cycle.

Competitive Eater - More on my California eatstravaganza tomorrow but understand that I have never finished a meal without the ability to have dessert afterward.

Wood Chopper - I enjoy splitting wood, I could do that all day.
Neil Diamond Signature Pose - Publicity Photo

Holy Inferiority Complex Batman

I understand having a "Go Saux" license plate or something. However I assure you, the Yankees do not suck.

If you lost your fluke in Boston...

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Dessert Is Where The Money Is

Restaurants make a higher markup on desserts than on anything else.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Fewer People=Less Dust

Dust comes from dead skin cells that have fallen off people. With smaller populations in the 19th century, dust was not a concern. The modern feather duster was not invented until 1875.


Over time watermelons have adapted to have fewer seeds
This painting is from 1855. The watermelon is on the bottom right.

Spoon Collections

You often find that people collect spoons. I have decided to start collecting forks, I think it is a safe investment.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Source of the Word Kerchief

Kerchief is the ancient Sumerian word for sneeze. Kerchiefs were so named for what was most necessary to have at hand when sneezing to wipe mucus. The handkerchief was invented to prevent people from sneezing in their hands...hence the name.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

5 Things that are worthless in the sun

Storm Drains
Gustbuster Umbrellas

Mr. Softee Truck Speakers

The speakers playing Mr. Softee's music amplify at a volume that can be heard for a distance of 4 blocks. It is the ideal volume and will not disturb those standing close to the truck.